.Sorry.

So, as some of you might know, I've been going to church on Sundays with my mom [& Jim]. It's a really great little church. [Richmond Heights Nazarene Church] Everyone there is really nice & it's a genuine friendliness, not just a "We're at church, so I'll be nice" type thing.

I know this may come as a shock to some of you. I've been unclear in the past about my religion. I've read books on & tried out a lot of different religions. They all seem to have a basic point & similarity.. but I never fully understood any of them.. I was never able to turn to any of them in dire times.. none of them had everything I was looking for. So, I decided to take a little from each & just be spiritual instead of religious. I still prayed & talked to God, but I didn't attend church & I didn't read my Bible & I didn't understand why this, or why that.

I still don't understand "why", but when I'm at the RHNC & Pastor Stephen is up there teaching us & really making sure we understand what he is preaching & not just hearing him, I feel.. I don't really know what I feel. It's like a warm tingling feeling throughout my entire body. It brings tears to my eyes, but not sad tears.. not always anyway. It's like you can really feel the Lord there & He is touching all of our hearts & souls. It's a really wonderful feeling & a really wonderful church.

I think I'm a pretty decent person, but after going to the RHNC, I don't feel like nearly as good a person as I could be.. I should be. I have a tendency to talk about people.. although what I'm saying about them is true, I still shouldn't be saying it. I have a tendency to get angry with people & not always ask them to forgive me. I have a tendency to make things sound dirty when they aren't & snicker about it. As time goes on.. I'm sure I'll learn other horrible things about me that I have to work on.

I want to be right with the Lord & the people around me. I want to be the best person I can be. I know not everyone is going to like me & not everyone is going to forgive me.. but I'm going to do my part to clean up my act & get on the right track. Two weeks ago, his sermon was about "A Better Righteousness". Yesterday church was about the 6th commandment: Thou shall not murder. Now, I don't know how many people on my friends list know about the teachings in the Bible & I'm not going to get all preachy on you.. so I'll just do a basic break down of what Pastor Stephen said.

[[Last week]] There were these super religious people way back when who followed God's laws [613 of them] to a tee. They even made more laws [thousands of them, for themselves] as an extension of God's laws just in-case they were unsure of their interpretation! They read their Bible every day, they prayed every day.. sometimes a few times a day, they met up every week to study & praise together & they pulled themselves away from the rest of the people so they didn't have temptation or distraction or anything.. to be that much closer to God.

Jesus told everyone, {basically} "I'm not here to get rid of your laws.. or even change them in any way. I'm here to give them meaning." I guess, up to that point, everyone was just following laws & had no idea why. I guess that still happens today. Anyway, Jesus told everyone, that unless their commitment to God exceeded these guys, they weren't getting into the Kingdom. Bummer right? So you know everyone was freaking out because, like let's be honest, no one was [or is today] more righteous than these people!

Everyone had to be thinking, "How can I be good enough? Better myself? Be whatever I'm suppose to be? I can't! It's impossible!!" Jesus said [*Romans:3] {basically} "There is only one way. Through me, through faith. The Kingdom is open to all who believes in Me." Awesome right? God & Jesus have set our sins right & opened up the Kingdom to us all! & all we have to do is know that we aren't alone, that God & Jesus are always with us. & that Jesus' blood cleansed us. How great is that?

[[This week]] Jesus said to the people, {bsically} "You have it written that you shouldn't murder. Although that's a pretty good rule, that's never what it was meant to be. It was meant to say, you should never even get angry with your fellow man!" Never get angry?? How is that possible?! I'm still not sure how it is, I guess we just have to pray our butts off & ask God & Jesus to hold tight our tongues & help us through life.

He went on to say, that he'd much rather you make right with your fellow man.. ask his forgiveness for whatever stupid angry thing you didto them then come to church & try to be right with Him. You can't be right with Him if you're not right with your fellow man. Now.. how many of us can say that we are right with everyone we know? We've all hurt someone, said some crap we shouldn't have, talked about someone, etc. & most of us never ask for forgiveness for doing that crap. We just brush it off & eventually forget about it & assume they will too.

Well God says that's bull. It's not "Time heals all wounds" it's "Treat others as you want to be treated!" We can't make people forgive us, but we can still ask them to & be genuinely sorry for whatever we did [& know what we did]. So, before you think you're in the good with God, be sure you're in the good, or have at least tried to be, with the people you know.

As Pastor Stephen was saying this, I tried making a list in my head of all the people I wasn't right with & I could only come up with two: Lori [Derrick's mom] & Stephenie [ex-friend]. Every one else in my life I have tried to make amends with. [whether I was the one that started the stuff or they did] Pastor Stephen then did Communion & asked that only those who were in the good to go up there & take Communion. I'm not sure, but I think everyone but myself went up there.

At the end of the sermon, I went up to Pastor Stephen to thank him for the service & he asked me why I didn't come up for Communion. I told him, basically, & he said that as long as I did my part in trying to make everything right, then I was ok. Although I believe him, I just wanted to wait & make sure that all of you know that, IF I've hurt you in any way, I am deeply sorry. I think I've apologized to all of you that I've hurt in any way, shape, or form... even if it was behind your back. But just in-case.. I wanted to do it again & leave it up for you all to see that I really do mean it. I've already tried with Lori & Stephenie.. so now I feel that I'm deserving of that grape juice dipped wafer!

I still want nothing to do with either of them, because all they do is try to drag me down & sway my course.. but I have forgiven them for all the stuff they've done & said. I forgive the rest of you for the things you've said to & about me also. & for the things you've done to me, stolen from me, etc. Because that crap doesn't matter anymore.


[*Romans:3 Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference: For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus: Whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation through faith in his blood, to declare his righteousness for the remission of sins that are past, through the forbearance of God; To declare, I say, at this time his righteousness: that he might be just, and the justifier of him which believeth in Jesus. Where is boasting then? It is excluded. By what law? of works? Nay: but by the law of faith. Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith without the deeds of the law. Is he the God of the Jews only? is he not also of the Gentiles? Yes, of the Gentiles also: Seeing it is one God, which shall justify the circumcision by faith, and uncircumcision through faith. Do we then make void the law through faith? God forbid: yea, we establish the law]



~LOVE~